The number of
strong women I encounter in this part of the world is quite phenomenal, I was
thinking the other night while cooking Pad-Thai. As in, this place seems to
breed an unusual amount of strong women.
When thinking
of the Middle East, people in the West generally assume that Arab women
constitute a sub category of society. Men rule, women abide. There is some
truth to that when you look at legislation. Laws do not often provide for
equitable situations, and even if they do, local customs and traditions still
may interfere with how a judgment is executed. Abuse, discrimination and
domestic violence are issues many have to deal with, while the law will not protect
them.
Yet in spite
of this unfavorable situation, or because of it, the number of powerful women I
meet is simply mind-boggling. Powerful in the sense that they run their own
life - without help from the government or a partner - run it well, run it
without complaining, and run it with flair.
The stories
you sometimes hear are rife with suffering, and you wonder how they do it, but
they do it. Single women, married women, widows and divorced women. And this is
no simple feat in a society where simply making ends meet is a near impossible
challenge.
The
perception in the West that Arab women are weak and submissive, because society
imposes this role on them, is – in my experience - a misconception. A
misconception that was evident when a Lebanese journalist earlier this year
told an irate sheikh on TV to tone it down a bit, and when that was not heeded,
simply cut him off. It was quite a hit, indicating that
this action surprised many.
But she was not
the first one to call
the shots. The idea that women in this
male-dominated society play a submissive role because this is what they have
been assigned to do, is well embedded in the west, but not very accurate, as this journalist points out. This region is teeming with strong
women; phenomenal women, as May Angelou
would call them.
And so, as the author of the commentary, Nesrine Malik,
points out, the standing up against a narrow-minded sheikh, “is not worthy of reporting because it shows a woman
defying the norms and prejudices of Arab society; it is newsworthy because it
challenges your views and prejudices about Arab society.”
And I was reminded of that last week, while attending a Thai cooking
class, hosted by a Croatian lady, and given by an Armenian Lebanese/Syrian lady
who is member of the Egyptian’s Chefs Association. I am not a great cook.
Let me rephrase that, it’s not only that I do not cook well, I do not
cook at all. That is fine with me. When I got married, my mother in-law saved
the day by deciding that if I was not going to cook for her son, she would, and
she would send entire meals, complete with salads and side dishes, on a daily
basis to our house with a cab driver.
Was the mother in law content with having to cook for an extra
household? Heck, she didn’t care, because she wasn’t cooking either. She was a
designer and a tough business woman, who was not only a working woman, but also ran
a household on the side through a network of employees.
An exception, you say? I don’t think so. She was married at 16, had her first child at 17, a perfect candidate for being cast into the role of weak women. But she ran three thriving three companies with an iron fist, and dealt only with men.
An exception, you say? I don’t think so. She was married at 16, had her first child at 17, a perfect candidate for being cast into the role of weak women. But she ran three thriving three companies with an iron fist, and dealt only with men.
Phenomenal women – in my experience - are the norm here, rather than an abnormality.
Through my work in Lebanon, I’ve met so many of them; women who –
despite hardship and unfavorable conditions – managed to shape a life that was
meaningful and powerful. I think I should be working on a series to show this
side of Lebanese society, which is infinitely more interesting that the fact
that we have no president.
To tell you the truth, I had forgotten all about that. We do quite well
without one. I dare say, they can send cabinet and parliament home as well;
we’ll function, and quite well at that.
So why was I joining a cooking class, you may wonder? Well, I like Thai
food. There is no decent Thai food take-out in Beirut, and the lady cooking in
my house – the old aunt – is into the old-fashioned northern Lebanese kitchen;
no noodles, Thai-pad or coconut milk will come out of her kitchen as long as
she swings the ladle.
The other women present were – in this particularly setting - mostly
ex-pats, and again, one by one, strong women. They are here because they either
hold jobs that assigned them to this country, or are a trailing spouse. But they too have lived through wars (Croatie,
Serbia, Sudan and Lebanon) and family disasters.
There is something about this society, that brings out the best in most
women, all women, Arab or not. Because they not only have to fight for their
rights, but also fight what is rightfully theirs, but not necessarily doled out
fairly. It’s a constant struggle, and struggle makes you stronger.
Just think of conversations you’ve had with plumbers, carpenters or
painters. They will fix and hammer as they very well please, totally ignoring
how you requested the work should be done. You accept it once, you accept it
twice, and at one point you say, “well damn, you will do as I told you,
otherwise get your toolbox and get the hell out of here.”
This approach, although hesitantly adopted by this Dutchie at first, is
a role I now relish in. A role that I would never have to employ if I had been
living in the west (I think), as it wasn’t necessary. That may have its
advantages, but on the other hand, you do not really experience what you are
capable of.
It is under hardship that you become strong and confident, and this
place has plenty of hardship, and an enormous amount of phenomenal women.
So that’s what I was thinking about as I was cooking Thai-pad.
2 comments:
Those knife wielding women sure do scare me. I'm outta here . :)
Sietske...you are such a gifted writer!! Best regards, Les Fox
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