February 16, 2009

Flash(er) Mode

I’m on the highway, driving from Jbeil (Byblos) back to Beirut on a late Sunday afternoon. My kids are with me, but crashed in various position, and out of sight. And so I drive in the right lane, until I notice there is a car on my left side. It stays exactly where I drive, window open, driver looking at me.
Yep, this is him! (I know, it might need some imagination)

It’s a bit odd, but I ignore him. He’s quite persistent though, making odd movements. I look at him. He’s got a silly smile on him. Now why is he looking at me like that? Why is he not passing me? He’s in the fast lane, isn't he?

And suddenly I get it. Fast lane, my ass! The guy is whacking off! Right in his car, on the highway doing 100 km an hour! Eeew, that’s sick. I’m in an SUV, he’s in a regular sedan, so I am higher that he is. Full vision, so to speak.

But I’ve always got a camera on me, and it’s right in my lap. So I pick it up and go ‘snap snap snap’. Luckily it’s in flash mode, for some added drama. And there he sits, on the highway, doing 100 km an hour, unbuttoned pants and in full flash mode, while this idiotic woman is taking PICTURES OF HIM!!!!!!
That's him! Disappointing? Wanted to see more?

Have you ever seem these car ads, where they show you acceleration capabilities of the car? 0 to 80 in 3 seconds? Well, it’s true. I saw it right before my own eyes. Had his crummy car allowed it, he’d have broken the speed of light. He took off! Man, did he take off!

I followed him a bit, just to scare him some more, but it got to the point where he was taking such risks overtaking other cars that I thought he was going to kill himself.
Boy, I sure got that guy. I think he thinks I shot his license plate as well. No such luck, too blurry. I bet he’s not sleeping well tonight. And so he shouldn’t: Flashing middle aged mothers on the highway! Tseh tseh tseh.

Unfortunately (although fortunately for him) the pictures did not come out great. Doesn’t matter. I’m sure somebody recognizes this car as the car of the son of the neighbors, that nice boy that helps old ladies cross the street. Well, then here is something you can ask him about next time you see him. First offer him a drink, and wait till he takes a sip before you ask him. For some added drama.

Boy, that was a good one, if I may say so myself. :)

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

We have identified this motorist as Mr Ahmad Hussain, nephew of Mr Imran Hussain, from Bradford, England, presently incarcerated in Manchester county jail.
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=684060

Rami said...

LOL that is just hilarious!! :D
He deserved it! If I were you I would have followed him and made sure he crashes, and break his... leg :D

Anonymous said...

one never knows what will be on your blog,thank you for writing

Anonymous said...

no need to share this story i think

m. said...

S, you are awesome. lol. this post cracked me up!

adiamondinsunlight said...

Good on you - I hope you scared him half to death!

What was he thinking, anyway? "Oho, the family lunch was dull today, think I'll drive around and masturbate to the oh-so-sexy sight of women driving"?

This was a good one, indeed - and you are a total hero.

Anonymous said...

On behalf of the Lebanese people, I apologize to you.

It's such an utterly shameful feeling to see disgusting people like this one. As a Lebanese, I feel truly sorry.

Anonymous said...

Dear Anonymous,
please do not apologize, nor feel embarrassed. We've got these people in Holland too!

Delirious said...

Haha!

Seriously?!

Anonymous said...

you are always going around and know lots of nice places in Lebanon,never been a city boy and would like to build a small eco house in small mountain town in Lebanon maybe you or your readers can know some places

p.s if you do not want to tell abut your #1 and # 2 choices knowing where you go I am sure 3 and 4 are also very nice
thank you for the help and for the nice blog

Kheireddine said...

This jerck's car is a Misubishi Galant 1987–93 model.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitsubishi_Gallant#Sixth_generation

Rami said...

you know I was thinking now... what if he was a fellow blogger..?
What if he was one of your constant readers..?

hmmm...

_z. said...

lol, glad you scared him... how could he concentrate though... he must have a very vivid imagination.

you're good!

Marillionlb said...

Very funny indeed, I once came across an old battered Honda accord on the crossing from Ajaltoun towards Faray where the driver (a young Lebanese male) smoking a full size narguile which was placed between the legs of his passenger (a young Lebanese female). Too bad I didn't have my camera then.

Jundi said...

haha thats funny .. way to multi-task

Anonymous said...

heh, this gives a new meaning to auto-erotism :-)

Anonymous said...

Die dingen gebeuren wel meer in Libanon, en bijna altijd in de auto.

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