There are lots of things that set us foreigners apart from the Lebanese, but nothing makes us stand out more than the moment when the bill arrives.
The non-Lebanese way of paying the bill
Here in Lebanon, you snatch the tab off the plate the moment the waiter arrives with it. And you’ve got to be real fast, because all dinner guests are planning on doing the exact same thing. Men only, of course. You can interpret this two ways; women are not considered capable enough of paying their share, or women in Lebanon are still treated as ladies. I absolutely go for the latter.
But even if it is a ladies’ night only; there is always the grabbing for the bill.
Once someone has the bill, serious arguments arise from other people at the table that it really is not right, and definitely not acceptable that he (the holder of the bill) gets to pay the bill, and that he should let them (the other people) pay.
Terminology as ‘ya ma bisir ya khaye (bro, this is unacceptable) and ‘ayb’ (shame on you) are used in order to coax the one that holds the tab into giving it to someone else.
Terminology as ‘ya ma bisir ya khaye (bro, this is unacceptable) and ‘ayb’ (shame on you) are used in order to coax the one that holds the tab into giving it to someone else.
I have seen serious (and loud) disputes erupt over who gets to pay the bill. Money and credit cards are pushed back and forth, and even the waiter is getting money forced into his hand and shoved in the direction of the kitchen in order to make it impossible for the one with the receipt to actually pay. The honor of paying that bill is the ultimate goal.
This fight over who gets to pay the bill makes it pretty much impossible to even suggest that you’d like to pay just your share. I can just imagine the moment. “Ah sorry, but how about I pay just for my soup and the shishtaouak I had. I didn’t eat any of the hommos, but I’ll pay half of that if you want me too.”
Right.
You’d hear a nail drop way down in the old souq of Damascus.
That is just soooo not done here. You sit and say nothing, and make a mental note that next time you keep a sharp eye on that waiter and be the first one to go for that bill with a vengance.
Now foreigners do it differently. They sit and study the bill at length. Everyone inquires after the total amount. They check if all items were actually served and then start dividing. “Did you have two marguerites or three?” “Who had the nachos?”
Pencil and paper is used, money comes in from all sides and intricate switching transactions take place as everyone pays their exact amount. Money has to be counted and recounted because sure enough someone made a mistake, and the whole process has to start again from the beginning.
Now foreigners do it differently. They sit and study the bill at length. Everyone inquires after the total amount. They check if all items were actually served and then start dividing. “Did you have two marguerites or three?” “Who had the nachos?”
Pencil and paper is used, money comes in from all sides and intricate switching transactions take place as everyone pays their exact amount. Money has to be counted and recounted because sure enough someone made a mistake, and the whole process has to start again from the beginning.
Sometimes you have a waiter standing a bit sheepishly at the side. If it is an establishment that does not see many foreigners he’s probably never seen this before and so it’s a bit of a culture shock. ("Oh my god, what are they doing? They're actually dividing the bill? I cannot believe this!")
Those that are familiar with the odd paying habits of non-Lebanese just leave, and wait until the money flurry seems to have settled and everyone sits back again and looks relaxed. Transaction over.
My husband, who’s Lebanese, absolutely cannot stand this ‘foreign’ way of paying. He cringes at the thought alone, and when dining with Dutch, he makes sure the waiter brings the bill personally to him, and pays without anyone ever noticing in order to avoid – in his eyes – ‘utter embarrassment’.
"You Dutch are so f%$#*&@ stingy.”
I think that is a bit harsh, the Dutch are not that bad (although I did have a friend back in Holland who we used to tease for having a wallet made of onion leather; every time he opened it, he’d cry), but I do admit; our behavior even coined the well-known ‘going Dutch’ term.
However, this way seems much more fair. Nobody gets stuck with a bill that at times may be over $400.
My husband, who’s Lebanese, absolutely cannot stand this ‘foreign’ way of paying. He cringes at the thought alone, and when dining with Dutch, he makes sure the waiter brings the bill personally to him, and pays without anyone ever noticing in order to avoid – in his eyes – ‘utter embarrassment’.
"You Dutch are so f%$#*&@ stingy.”
I think that is a bit harsh, the Dutch are not that bad (although I did have a friend back in Holland who we used to tease for having a wallet made of onion leather; every time he opened it, he’d cry), but I do admit; our behavior even coined the well-known ‘going Dutch’ term.
However, this way seems much more fair. Nobody gets stuck with a bill that at times may be over $400.
It was a very pleasant TGIF; thank you ladies, for the company
Anyway; if you ever want to spot a foreigner in Lebanon (not that we do not stand out enough already) – or for that matter, a Lebanese abroad - then wait for the moment the bill arrives.
And now, if you want to have a real good laugh, and go over to Riemer who analyzes the weather report in the Daily Star, our local English daily.(PS Now H, do not interpret this as me not being happy over your excellent math skills :)
13 comments:
I'd like to also mention that not all the Lebanese do the "Lebanese way". I know many who do the "Dutch way", and many consider it a fair way of sharing with each other.
Perhaps they don't go the extreme "Dutch way", but the mild "Dutch".
Laughing out loud!
I am an American child of a Lebanese father who should have been Dutch. He was always very careful and frugal and correct with his money, so that his siblings said he was bakheel, even though he gave money generously to relatives and friends who needed it. He just didn't go around buying new cars, expensive jewelry, or other trinkets.
Now I have seen this Lebanese bill-grabbing behavior, and I am one who practices the total-up-and-split-with-care method of bill-paying. You made me laugh so hard! Thank you.
Hello, Sietske.
Good posting and nice photos, thank you.
have a good weekend
I want to know if Dutchmen, especially Dutch engineers, keep a record of their gas mileage - writing down the odometer number in a dedicated notebook each time they fill the tank with petrol, noting number of liters/gallons, then dividing up to find MPG or MPL. How many Lebanese do this? My father always did, and I have heard many an American WASP talk about their fathers doing the same.
NOT very "Lebanese" I would imagine.
My dear, beloved, departed father. He basically tried to avoid eating out at restaurants because he thought them a waste of money. He preferred to invite people to his home to feed them tabbouli etc.
You should be living in Japan. Here, the calculators (on the cell phones) come out and the bill is divided EXACTLY. If you over-pay (even by 10 yen), you will get your change at a latter date wrapped in a beautiful piece of origami.
I really love reading your blog. We are moving to Lebanon soon and I like learning things about the culture. Almost all of the blogs I have found about Lebanon only talk about the political situation (which is useful of course, but not ALL I want to hear about.).
http://www.slate.com/id/2183285
I've found this to be a class-thing more than a nationality thing - all of my upper class friends behave like the Lebanese you describe, yet all my non-upper class friends divide the bill more or less equally (although never with pen/paper/calculator, and honestly I have never seen a Dutch person do that either... pfew!). Probably just another way (like cars, watches, jewelry etc.) to show that they can... Or in Dutch: "wie 't breed heeft, laat 't breed hangen"!
A class thing huh... Now let's see, I re-read Sietske's text and then what should I think... Ah, I get it, now I get it!!!
As someone who lived in the Netherlands for 8 years before moving to Lebanon 2006, it is moving from one extreme to another. I have to agree with the observation, I prefer the Lebanese way, but actually think a rough division of a bill is the most civilized. 'Going Dutch' with a date however is something I never seemed to experience anywhere :o(.
heh, but never let this bill-grabbing attitude fool you in thinking the Lebanese are overly generous... rather, they're show-offs always wanting to make a public appearance.
To illustrate, ask anyone who got married with a 'liste de marriage' how generous the Lebanese are when no one's looking.
Or, to put even a more negative spin on things (sorry, grumpy mood today), I find it's usually quite annoying when someone grabs the bill without offering to share. It forces you to say 'thank you' for something you didn't ask for.
hi sietske. heel goed wat je zeg! ik houd van beirut en ik wil heel erg naar libanon gaan om te wonen, maar mijn man vind dat niet zo een goede idee, jammer!
heb je misschien tips voor mij? want ik wil of om vakantie of om te wonen te gaan maar ik heb geen idee wat kan ik in beirut doen om te leven, wat voor werk kan ik doen?
bedankt!
hi, sorry ik vergeet mijn adress te geven.... yusetlumey@yahoo,es. iedereen mag schrijven!
ik wil graag information of hoe kan ik naar libanon gaan, wat kan ik daar doen? werk? arabisch studie?
alles!
bedankt
I guess I have to reread. H was never confident of her math skills. We should do that again? Forget about the tension that surrounds us and just have fun...
H.
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