Dilemmas

If Beirut is not in the news , you might assume that things are quiet over here. Yes, they are, but it is not as in a ‘peaceful’ quiet. Beirut’s street are empty. Restaurants and hotels and shops are empty too. Partially because we’ve been hit by some bad winter storms. And partially because the economy seems to have hit an all time low. I know of several hotels that have sent half of their staff home, and the other half gets 50% of their pay. But basically because it is the proverbial silence before the storm; The inhabitants of Beirut expect another storm to be unleashed; a sectarian one. Back to civil war days? It seems many people do fear this.

Back to the old days?

This uncertainty is unsettling, and unlike anything I have ever experienced before. A fellow blogger, Jamal, phrases it very nicely:

‘Short term planning has been reduced to spur of the moment decisions. Dinner tonight is a long term plan. Your reservations are a Tic-o-tac ticket. You might feast, but more likely you'll stay hungry. Too many variables could change between now, lunchtime, and then, dinner time.

While planning a weekend trip for next weekend would be considered too short a notice in most parts of the world, these days here it is called ambition. I aspire to watch the Superbowl sunday night. I have a dream ... of a Wednesday hump.

Next month? Next year? Are you fucking kidding me? That's the afterlife, you go on doing things as you see right and hope that in the end your faith won't let you down.’

This uncertainty raises quite a lot of dilemmas. Dilemmas I never had to deal with before.
I am planning to upgrade my motor home. But will I be able to go back home this summer? If there is a ‘conflict’ (let’s put this nicely and positively), I need to stay and work for the paper. I missed last summer, cannot afford to lose another one. So should I upgrade that motorhome?
Lois called me from Korea to ask me when I’d be in France so she can coordinate her ticket and we’ll meet. But what if the situation changes? I can honestly not say when I will be in France, or even IF I will be in France. Should I give her a date?
I’m thinking if redoing the kitchen. But if an all-scale war erupts, and it takes a long time, what’s the use of a new kitchen? If it is short term, I’ll take the risk. If it is long term, I won’t. But how will I know if it will be short-term or long term? People back in 1975 probably thought things were going to look up soon. Well, it took some 15 miserable years. So should I redo this kitchen? Or not bother about it.
And what if things go really wrong? When schools close down all the time, and it is not safe in the neighborhood anymore for the children. Should we leave, or should we stay? I know families that left. Now their kids are neither Lebanese nor American. They don’t fit in either societies. Or half in both.

Ah, dilemmas dilemmas!

Another 'old' Beiruti home being torn down. This one is one a type of cliff overlooking the Meditarranean (Ras Beirut, Manara). It's got a vast garden, like a jungle. I've had my eyes on this property ever since I moved to Beirut. Always waited for a 'For Sale' sign. But that is not the 'Beirut' way. So now it fell into the hands of yet another property 'developper' that will mutilate the Beirut sky-line. They should have sold it to me; I'd have kept it the way it was.