I knew this question was coming. I am surprised it didn’t come any sooner. I am glad it didn’t come any sooner, but sad that it came at all.
As my son came home from school today, he asked:
“Mom, what are we?”
“What are we what?”
“You know, sunni or shia?”
So they finally popped him the question. As the stand-off between pro-Hezbollah and pro-government supporters continues, the Lebanese pre-occupation with religion is becoming more and more pronounced. ‘Inti ma meen?” (Whose side are you on?) is a common question these days. Even at school.
It is a pity, I kind of liked the fact that he was oblivious to it. But innocence is always the first casualty.
For as long as I have lived here, I have noticed this digging into one’s religion. One of the first questions they ask is;
“Beit mien?” (What is your last name?)
In Lebanon, your last name often reveals your religion. But not always. Some last names pop up in all sects. In that case, it is time for the second question.
As my son came home from school today, he asked:
“Mom, what are we?”
“What are we what?”
“You know, sunni or shia?”
So they finally popped him the question. As the stand-off between pro-Hezbollah and pro-government supporters continues, the Lebanese pre-occupation with religion is becoming more and more pronounced. ‘Inti ma meen?” (Whose side are you on?) is a common question these days. Even at school.
It is a pity, I kind of liked the fact that he was oblivious to it. But innocence is always the first casualty.
For as long as I have lived here, I have noticed this digging into one’s religion. One of the first questions they ask is;
“Beit mien?” (What is your last name?)
In Lebanon, your last name often reveals your religion. But not always. Some last names pop up in all sects. In that case, it is time for the second question.
“Min wain?” (Where are you from?) If the name does not tell your secret, your town of origin will. East Beirutis are usually christians, the people from Tripoli are often sunni muslim, and if you are from Nabatiya, you must be a shiite muslim. You are a druze of you are from Baaqlin, and an Armenian if Bourj Hammoud is your home.
Once they know, once they’ve placed you in a religion, the conversation can continue. But the first impression has to be there. They need to get a ‘feel’ of where you come from. What they can say and what they cannot say. What areas may be sensitive, and should be avoided in the discussion.
With my son, it started as soon as he entered nursery. I had to come to the registration office, and as the papers were in Arabic, one of the nuns was kind enough to do the writing for me.
We got past the name, date of birth and address without a problem.
“Religion?”
“Uuhhh. I don’t know. None.”
“No, we cannot write that down, we must fill in the box.”
“But he has no religion.”
“Madame, we need to write something down. What is the father?”
“The father is a muslim.”
“Fine, a muslim then,” and she started writing.
I did not like that one bit. My son was not a muslim.
“No,” I replied. “I am christian.”
“Okay, he is a christian then,” and she crossed out the first bit, and started writing again.
That did not sound any better.
“No, he is not a christian.”
The nun sighed.
“I have to fill in this box.”
A sudden thought came to my mind.
‘Buddhist, could he be a Buddhist?”
“Yes, he can be a buddhist,” she replied. It didn’t seem to bother her one bit.
“Fine, a buddhist then, you can write down he is a buddhist.”
And so my son went through life as a buddhist until the tender age of 10, when he came home one day with the question whether he was Palestinian or not.
“No, you are not Palestinian,” we said, “You are Lebanese.”
“Oh.” He was silent for a while. “Is it bad to be a Palestinian?”
Why did he ask that question?
“Because someone at school accused me of being a Palestinian.”
With my son, it started as soon as he entered nursery. I had to come to the registration office, and as the papers were in Arabic, one of the nuns was kind enough to do the writing for me.
We got past the name, date of birth and address without a problem.
“Religion?”
“Uuhhh. I don’t know. None.”
“No, we cannot write that down, we must fill in the box.”
“But he has no religion.”
“Madame, we need to write something down. What is the father?”
“The father is a muslim.”
“Fine, a muslim then,” and she started writing.
I did not like that one bit. My son was not a muslim.
“No,” I replied. “I am christian.”
“Okay, he is a christian then,” and she crossed out the first bit, and started writing again.
That did not sound any better.
“No, he is not a christian.”
The nun sighed.
“I have to fill in this box.”
A sudden thought came to my mind.
‘Buddhist, could he be a Buddhist?”
“Yes, he can be a buddhist,” she replied. It didn’t seem to bother her one bit.
“Fine, a buddhist then, you can write down he is a buddhist.”
And so my son went through life as a buddhist until the tender age of 10, when he came home one day with the question whether he was Palestinian or not.
“No, you are not Palestinian,” we said, “You are Lebanese.”
“Oh.” He was silent for a while. “Is it bad to be a Palestinian?”
Why did he ask that question?
“Because someone at school accused me of being a Palestinian.”
A year later another question came.
“What religion are we?”
We have the luxury of two.
“So what am I?”
“You are both. And who’s asking anyway? ”
“They said in snack time that I shouldn’t eat salami, because it is bad. But only if I was a muslim.”
And now the question has become even more evolved. Now we are not just satisfied with being muslim or christian is, but now we want to know what kind of muslim or christian. He wants to know what kind of muslim he is. At 13 years of age, not even.
“They are the same.”
He left. I don’t think he is buying it. He’ll be back, wanting to know the exact difference.
Maybe we should go back to being a Buddhist again. That suited me just fine.
5 comments:
FIrst of all thank you for 'revealing' your son's religion.. I've had the same experience with my family (we are sunni/buddhist alliance, but we're both not practicing). It seemed to me that when you say you're not religious, then they would look insulted in some ways.. Anyhow, that's from my experience from there. We have to beat the system somehow, I guess.
Very satirically funny and sad in some way. I can almost see my nephew asking some of those questions.
I would suggest explaining your son about the Lebanese Religious/Sect System and how the culture is made up. Then you can tell him where you stand and how you are perhaps a "nominal" or non-practicing Christian and Muslim.
He will find his answers in other places and perhaps wrongly too. You'd better give him the basic stuff and help him understand the system, so that he can know how to deal with these issues and situations.
thank u for this post. i was like ur son. i lived in beirut during the war and it was terrible. my parents were great, and i imagine u r as great..i remember days when i hated going to school and be asked the same question all the time.. what do u eat? why do u go to cathechese? is ur dad really a muslim? constant harassment and critisism. i went to school in france and it was the same thing, do u eat pork? u r lebanese. r u muslim or christian? we were 7-8 yrs old. i live in the states now and still the same questions. the world is such a sad place. sorry for the long comment. and again great post.. and good luck. there is no good way to explain these things, he will figure it out and know that it's all irrelevant.
Great work.
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